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Overview |
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GCE |
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Marble Challenge |
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ASCIIroids |
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PSD (Second Life) |
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Gravity Bubbles |
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FractalNet |
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EcoSim |
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Cosmic Dust |
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LandMesh |
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Imagencrypter |
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Foxy Detector |
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MacDiff |
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Asteroid Belt |
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Matrix Attack |
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Solar Swarm |
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OS X Terminal |
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Tools |
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Names :-) |
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Names :-)
Here are some amusing name generators I wrote in PHP – enjoy! Reload this page to
generate new names. Click here for a cut-down version of this page, which reloads faster and therefore allows names to be generated more rapidly!
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You’re an extremely-entangled Welsh penknife
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| 394,834,786 possible names |
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Captain, I am detecting a radioactive galactic quasar
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| 38,088 possible phenomena |
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Your boss wants you to assess the optimised recruitment facilitation paradigm
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| 14,214,200 possible tasks |
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You must perform the Monstrous Annihilation of the Monolith of Nightmares
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| 9,253,440 possible rituals |
Bizarre Name Generator
If you’re a fan of the BBC’s radio comedy
programme The Goon Show, then you’ll be used to hearing about daft objects, such as granite banjos, small string pies,
cardboard chickens, metal trilbies, shredded cardboard wigs, lead beards, ground-floor attics, mutterjupp telescopes, prehistoric Irish stews, steam-driven rockets, electrified Mongolian bagpipes,
waterproof gas-stoves, reinforced concrete socks, and other similar nonsense!
If this style of humour appeals to you, then you’ll probably enjoy my Bizarre Name Generator. It’s a simple bit of PHP which randomly combines words from a huge
list (1,130 words). Occasionally, the names it produces are almost realistic, such as:
- A fascinating golden bath
- A fragile Mauritian typewriter
- An excessively-sticky ivory spatula
- A top-heavy Tibetan tractor
But for the majority of the time, the names are extremely weird! Here are a few of my favourites:
- A magnetically-knotted origami giraffe
- A thoughtlessly-twisted Egyptian parking-meter
- An illegally-reinforced bamboo sheepdog
- An improperly-superglued asbestos toad
- A chaotically-mutated Argentinean hacksaw
- A terribly-deformed Macedonian ocarina
- A violently-inflated plywood eagle
- A deeply-buried porcelain thesaurus
- A spectacularly-bent sulphur clothes-horse
- A moth-eaten Roman toffee-wrapper
- A termite-infested polythene swamp-hippo
- A hexagonal marble gorilla
- A translucent antimatter meerkat
- A ghostly concrete moose
- An incorrectly-assembled oriental gerbil
The total number of possible names (394,834,786) is found by multiplying together the number of words in each category (adjective, noun, etc).
Star Trek: The Name Generator
In many episodes
of Star Trek: The Next Generation, the starship Enterprise encounters strange spaceborne
phenomena. Usually Data is the first to detect such phenomena, and he then informs Captain Picard. For example, he might say: “Captain, I am detecting severe gravimetric
fluctuations.” Star Trek: The Name Generator creates names of spaceborne phenomena which sound similar to those featured in the show.
Also see my Star Trek TNG episode ratings page.
ManagementSpeak Generator
Most people who work in an office have
encountered ManagementSpeak (also known
as business speak). This usually refers to silly phrases which are deliberately intended to sound more
complicated than necessary, such as “synergistic encapsulation methodology”, “proactive leverage framework”, or “dynamic logistics
infrastructure”.
ManagementSpeak can also refer to pointless phrases which attempt to sound funky, cool and modern, such as “our customers are real people”, or
“we must employ blue-sky thinking if we’re to all sing from the same hymn sheet”.
In case you don’t really believe that companies use such silly phrases, here’s a list I compiled from the website of a creative design agency in the UK:
- An eye on the street and an ear to the ground
- Co-branding packaging creative strategy
- Creative enablement
- Cross fertilise ideas
- Disperate identities
- Dynamic approach
- 'Dynamic' positioning statement
- Empowered and empathetic
- Fragmented and cohesive campaigns
- Fresh evolution
- Harness the infinite power of Chaos
- Holistic approach
- Innovative methodology
- Juxtaposing
- Key strategic design consultants
- Leverage the strength of the total expertise
- Progressive identity
- Redesign their collateral
- Remit
- Strategic approach
- Tactical advertising
- Thought leadership
- Upstream, downstream and onstream
- We are real people who use the real world
It seems that in certain industries, particularly management consulting, people are expected to use words such as leverage, empowered and holistic, whether they want to or not. They’re
simply the buzzwords which must be used in those industries. And yet I’m sure they’re not really necessary. For example, instead of saying “we utilised a holistic
methodology” (meaningless to many people), why not simply say “we looked at the whole system, not just its separate parts”. But of course, that doesn’t sound
nearly as impressive!
My ManagementSpeak Generator produces meaningless management tasks using a mixture of ManagementSpeak terms – try asking your boss whether he’s considered “promulgating an
intrinsic modality orchestrator”! If you enjoy this generator, then you might also enjoy this amusing memo I wrote, which is stuffed full of ManagementSpeak, but is utterly
meaningless! 
Fiscal methodology memorandum
Dark Ritual Generator
In movies or TV shows about evil fantasy
creatures (such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer), there’s often some ancient long-forgotten ritual which the
protagonist must perform at the climax of the movie or episode, involving vampires, ghosts, demons, poltergeists, etc. The names of these rituals are often amusingly sinister
(eg. the Dark Summoning of the Demon of Blackness), and my Dark Ritual Generator creates names of this kind.
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