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Names :-)   Names :-)
Names :-)

Here are some amusing name generators I wrote in PHP – enjoy!  Reload this page to generate new names.  Click here for a cut-down version of this page, which reloads faster and therefore allows names to be generated more rapidly!

Bizarre Name Generator
You’re a lithographically-imprinted aluminium volcano
394,834,786 possible names
Star Trek: The Name Generator
Captain, I am detecting radioactive theta ions at the centre of the pulsar
3,341,877 possible phenomena
ManagementSpeak Generator
Your boss wants you to develop a major training programme
14,214,200 possible tasks
Dark Ritual Generator
You must perform the Perilous Rotting of the Spear of Foulness
9,385,632 possible rituals


Bizarre Name Generator

The Goon ShowIf you’re a fan of the BBC’s radio comedy programme The Goon Show, then you’ll be used to hearing about daft objects, such as granite banjos, small string pies, cardboard chickens, metal trilbies, shredded cardboard wigs, lead beards, ground-floor attics, mutterjupp telescopes, prehistoric Irish stews, steam-driven rockets, electrified Mongolian bagpipes, waterproof gas-stoves, reinforced concrete socks, and other similar nonsense!

If this style of humour appeals to you, then you’ll probably enjoy my Bizarre Name Generator.  It’s a simple bit of PHP which randomly combines words from a huge list (1,130 words).  Occasionally, the names it produces are almost realistic, such as:
  • A fascinating golden bath
  • A fragile Mauritian typewriter
  • An excessively-sticky ivory spatula
  • A top-heavy Tibetan tractor
But for the majority of the time, the names are extremely weird!  Here are a few of my favourites:
  • A magnetically-knotted origami giraffe
  • A thoughtlessly-twisted Egyptian parking-meter
  • An illegally-reinforced bamboo sheepdog
  • An improperly-superglued asbestos toad
  • A chaotically-mutated Argentinean hacksaw
  • A terribly-deformed Macedonian ocarina
  • A violently-inflated plywood eagle
  • A deeply-buried porcelain thesaurus
  • A spectacularly-bent sulphur clothes-horse
  • A moth-eaten Roman toffee-wrapper
  • A termite-infested polythene swamp-hippo
  • A hexagonal marble gorilla
  • A translucent antimatter meerkat
  • A ghostly concrete moose
  • An incorrectly-assembled oriental gerbil
The total number of possible names (394,834,786) is found by multiplying together the number of words in each category (adjective, noun, etc).


Star Trek: The Name Generator

Star Trek - Picard and DataIn many episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, the starship Enterprise encounters strange spaceborne phenomena.  Usually Data is the first to detect such phenomena, and he then informs Captain Picard.  For example, he might say: “Captain, I am detecting severe gravimetric fluctuations.”  Star Trek: The Name Generator creates names of spaceborne phenomena which sound similar to those featured in the show.

Also see my Star Trek TNG episode ratings page.


ManagementSpeak Generator

Management meetingMost people who work in an office have encountered ManagementSpeak (also known as business speak).  This usually refers to silly phrases which are deliberately intended to sound more complicated than necessary, such as “synergistic encapsulation methodology”, “proactive leverage framework”, or “dynamic logistics infrastructure”.

ManagementSpeak can also refer to pointless phrases which attempt to sound funky, cool and modern, such as “our customers are real people”, or “we must employ blue-sky thinking if we’re to all sing from the same hymn sheet”.

In case you don’t really believe that companies use such silly phrases, here’s a list I compiled from the website of a creative design agency in the UK:
  • An eye on the street and an ear to the ground
  • Co-branding packaging creative strategy
  • Creative enablement
  • Cross fertilise ideas
  • Disperate identities
  • Dynamic approach
  • 'Dynamic' positioning statement
  • Empowered and empathetic
  • Fragmented and cohesive campaigns
  • Fresh evolution
  • Harness the infinite power of Chaos
  • Holistic approach
  • Innovative methodology
  • Juxtaposing
  • Key strategic design consultants
  • Leverage the strength of the total expertise
  • Progressive identity
  • Redesign their collateral
  • Remit
  • Strategic approach
  • Tactical advertising
  • Thought leadership
  • Upstream, downstream and onstream
  • We are real people who use the real world
It seems that in certain industries, particularly management consulting, people are expected to use words such as leverage, empowered and holistic, whether they want to or not.  They’re simply the buzzwords which must be used in those industries.  And yet I’m sure they’re not really necessary.  For example, instead of saying “we utilised a holistic methodology” (meaningless to many people), why not simply say “we looked at the whole system, not just its separate parts”.  But of course, that doesn’t sound nearly as impressive!

My ManagementSpeak Generator produces meaningless management tasks using a mixture of ManagementSpeak terms – try asking your boss whether he’s considered “promulgating an intrinsic modality orchestrator”!  If you enjoy this generator, then you might also enjoy this amusing memo I wrote, which is stuffed full of ManagementSpeak, but is utterly meaningless!

Fiscal methodology memorandum  Fiscal methodology memorandum

A related subject is the design of corporate logos.  A design company will be paid a ridiculous amount of money to produce a new logo, along with several pages of meaningless waffle to try to convince people that the logo embodies some deep philosophical principles.  Some amusing examples include:
Dark Ritual Generator

Buffy the Vampire SlayerIn movies or TV shows about evil fantasy creatures (such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer), there’s often some ancient long-forgotten ritual which the protagonist must perform at the climax of the movie or episode, involving vampires, ghosts, demons, poltergeists, etc.  The names of these rituals are often amusingly sinister (eg. the Dark Summoning of the Demon of Blackness), and my Dark Ritual Generator creates names of this kind.


Comments Automatic country lookup for comments powered by MaxMind GeoLite Country

(Anonymous)
    5 May 2010
    India
hope i get what i am looking for!
Nigerian Rocking-Horse
    24 Aug 2010
    United Kingdom
Everybody wants a dinosaur in their mouth! Aiiiii!
Kayo
    2 Sep 2011
    United Kingdom
IJWTS wow! Why can't I think of tihgns like that?
Dilly
    20 Jan 2012
    Germany
Kick the tires and light the fires, problem offciilaly solved!
Gloriane
    20 Jan 2012
    Germany
Wham bam thank you, ma'am, my quesintos are answered!
Jady
    20 Jan 2012
    Germany
Smart thiinkng - a clever way of looking at it.
Maribeth
    20 Jan 2012
    Mexico
IMHO you've got the right aswner!
Lena
    20 Jan 2012
    Russian Federation
If information were soccer, this would be a gooooaol!
Kaylana
    20 Jan 2012
    Germany
You got to push it-this esenstial info that is!
Keischa
    20 Jan 2012
    United States
Always the best content from these prodigious wiretrs.
peiyktubh
    21 Jan 2012
    
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Lilian
    22 Jan 2012
    United States
Action rqueires knowledge, and now I can act!
Makaela
    22 Jan 2012
    Colombia
Your article was excleenlt and erudite.
Cady
    22 Jan 2012
    Satellite Provider
I was seirosuly at DefCon 5 until I saw this post.
Adele
    22 Jan 2012
    United Arab Emirates
Stellar work there everyone. I'll keep on raednig.
Bono
    22 Jan 2012
    Korea, Republic of
That's a genuinely impressive awnser.
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    24 Jan 2012
    Brazil
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Michael Hogg